What if dogs could talk?

In a kitchen somewhere, a man asks his dog if she wants to go out. She says yes. Then she says she would also like to discuss the food.

The video is everywhere within the hour. By evening, half the world’s dog owners are sitting on the floor asking questions, and getting answers they weren’t ready for.

The vet’s office changes first. Dogs can finally say where it hurts and how long it has been hurting, so vets start booking the appointment with the patient.

At home, things get more complicated. Dogs have opinions about being left alone all day, about the cat, and about walks that get cut short. Most owners love it, even if they sometimes miss the days when a wagging tail was the whole conversation.

Dogs give evidence in court, although lawyers still argue about how far to trust a witness who can be bought with a biscuit. Landlords add a noise clause to the lease, then a second one.

Most homes settle into something like living with a blunt, loyal, slightly nosy flatmate. And everyone learns to watch what they say in front of the dog.